Lonely is an eyesore...

I get lonely. I assume everyone does. What is it about the human condition that causes this loneliness? I don't really know.

I mean, honestly, I am not the best at relationships. But I think it's because of my firm adherence to The Great Cosmic Joke© that makes me this way, despite the fact that relationships are, overall, pretty cool.

The Great Cosmic Joke© is a personal philosophy I developed over the years in response to both my personal experience in relationships and observations made watching other people in them.

Basically, The Great Cosmic Joke© can be defined by the following statement: All Women are crazy, and All Men are stupid. Yes, dear reader, it is an alarmingly sweeping generalization. I admit it. But, I can honestly say that it bears out under scrutiny.

Women are crazy because there seems to be no discernible logic in how they go about handling their relationships. Many women I know, all of whom are worthy of respect, show this time and again. Whether staying in relationships that are abusive, or hopping from one to another without giving themselves some alone time, or being so persnickety that only in their fondest dreams does Mr. Right exist, all can be indication of a questionable mental state. I have also noticed a penchant for the dramatic or for lapses in reason, though, arguably, these traits is also found among men. There is also the ability to read into what men say, that is rarely on point, creating the "does this make me look fat?" dilemma.

Men are stupid. Plain and simple. We simply do not think. Our libido seems to govern our choices. Machismo, which is not solely a Hispanic sensibility, clearly teaches us that we are allowed to live as we will, enjoying every opportunity to put our member into any welcoming orifice we encounter. We also seriously under-appreciate anytime we do have a loving partner, and stubbornly adhere to the whole grass is greener mentality. We have no sense of guile and no sense of our partner's needs or desires. And we're kind of selfish. We look to our own needs and tend to not take our partner's into account.

In my observations, even the most seemingly perfect relationships are flawed in some way, generally, only mildly. But they do contain flaws, ones which both partners have to contend with.

But despite my own cynicism, I understand the desire. And not just for sex, but for companionship. Having someone 'there' is always a wonderful thing. Furthermore, I am kind of a romantic, in a deeply cynical way, but I do hold out hope for people to find the person that makes them happy. I always cheer my friends and family on in their romantic relationships and am saddened when they fall. I'm kind of dichotomous that way.

I think the secret to the whole relationship deal, again gleaned from my observations, is to strike the balance, to find the person who is just the right amount of either crazy or stupid to allow for not just a functional, but a healthy and enriching relationship. I've seen it. It actually works.

Which is why, despite my better judgment, I, too, want to be in a relationship. I see that there is the possibility of there being someone out there. Heck, I think there have been, in my life, several someones. Missed opportunities. Ones that got away. But they're another blog....

So all this comes back around to my original statement; I'm lonely. Problem is, I think I did this to myself. See, I'm in kind of an awkward, maybe even a bad place in my life. I've been without work for some time and am actually homeless, technically. (I say technically because my brother, Peej, has been kind enough to allow me to stay with him until I get back on my feet.)

This all kind of puts a crimp in the whole dating thing. I mean, I can't really take someone out on a date, and even if I did, and things go, well, you know, well, where would we be able to have the special hug? On top of this, my self-esteem, while generally pretty healthy, is kind of shaky. I mean, I know that I am a good guy, funny, smart, etc., but I don't feel good about myself. It's OK, though, everyone has those times in their lives, right? So what if mine seems to have been going on for about four years now....(insert sad trombone here.)

Despite this, I wonder why I don't try to date. A friend said to me that even in my present state, there really is no reason not to. If someone is interested, they would be able to look beyond the material shortcomings to the personal merits. But I still kind of want to have my proverbial shit together when I do date, if only for my own sanity and sense of dignity. Which I think is fair. In a metaphorical sense, I'd like to be whole before I make any offers. :D

In the end, while I am lonely, I think I can hold out. I have to focus and get my life together then move forward to the fun stuff.

And that's totally OK.