Today is the first day of 2012.
I wish I could say I was excited. I wish I could say I was giddy with anticipation of a new year filled with possibility.
All I feel is dread.
I simply haven't had much to look forward to in the new year for some time now. 2011 wasn't a fantastic year, but neither were 2010, 2009, 2008, 2007, or 2006.
A friend posted on his FB feed how he thought people should "stop your bitching, get off your ass and do something productive with your meaningless life." I find his attitude about this amusing. And mildly insulting. He seems to be working off the assumption that hoping for things to get better means that you aren't working to make things better. I work my ass off...and still hope to be able to make things better. And it really hasn't happened. Hope is what keep me going. Hope that eventually, everything I do is going to pay off. But everyone is entitled to their opinion, I certainly don't begrudge that ever.
I do hope. I hope that the work I do, the things I strive for will eventually pay off. I hope that all this will get me to the point of not having to worry.
I hope to be able to no longer carry this sadness that seems to have crept into my life. It's not normal for me, but I'm getting older, and more tired.
I know it is going to get better, because, really, how could it possibly get worse! :D
I wish I had some kind of inspiring thing to say to you, my dear friend, but anything I could say I'd fear would sound trite, or simplistic, or just irritating. What I will say is I hear you, I've felt that way, and that sadness seems to have crept into so many of us. I'm here if you want a friend to talk to, someone to have coffee with, share music with, listen to, or just cheer you on as you keep hanging on to hope. Writing helps me, I hope it helps you, too. Much love.
ReplyDeleteI just had the "hope" talk with myself this evening.
ReplyDeleteYou can call on me anytime, friend.
~m